Frozen Assets

Ovarian Hide 'n Seek

Don't worry, my ovaries are still there, but they were very shy today.  Quiet and shy.  The quiet part was good - it means we can go ahead with another frozen transfer this cycle.  The shy part was obnoxious.  I didn't see my regular RE today, so I had one of the fellows.  (As in, a woman there doing her fellowship, not a fellow in the male sense of the word.)  She eventually shoved the cooter wand into a spot where she could snap a picture, then repeated the process with the other side.  My right ovary was being particularly camera-shy.   It was painful - I didn't think an ultrasound could BE painful, but it was.   I'm also a little pissed off that I didn't get to see my regular doctor and ask some specific questions.   For example: "Is there any possibility that this cycle will actually work?"  I think perhaps my regular RE was hiding from me on purpose... I'll pin her down at my next appointment a week from Saturday.

I need to jump back on the Weight Watchers wagon.  I gained 1.6 lbs in the past two weeks.  I know, I can blame most of it on the drugs, but I haven't exactly been a saint in the eating department.  I shall not feel guilty, however, for inhaling that Double Western Bacon Cheeseburger last Tuesday.  Self-medication with grease can be a good thing.  In moderation, of course.  I plan to do some light bike riding in Monterey this weekend, though.  This will be good for the body and soul.

A mild freakout and a pleasant surprise.

Mild Freakout:

I have a sore throat.  I keep hoping it's just from sleeping with the windows open, but it's not getting any better.  I sent a panicked email to my doctor friend (who now resides in Mississippi) to see if I need to be worried.   I'd imagine if it develops further into something involving a fever, I might need to be concerned.  Right now I'm anxiously awaiting her reply.  And trying not to freak out further.

Pleasant Surprise:

I lost another 1.2 lbs.  Not sure how that happened since I wasn't very consciously "dieting".  In fact, I had a bacon cheeseburger on Saturday.   I ended up peeling off the cheese and most of the bun, so I suppose it was just some bacon on a burger patty, and boy was it tasty, but still... not exactly diet food.  I was fully expecting to gain weight, since the Estrace is supposed to cause bloating.  Whatever, I'll take a loss where I can get it!

I was right, it's my left!

Ha, isn't that a clever title.   

I've been thinking about it ever since I verified this morning that it is indeed my left ovary that's producing a big, beautiful follicle this month.    Today's ultrasound also revealed a beautiful 8.5mm lining.  I'll pee on one more stick tomorrow morning, and if it's positive, we'll have our transfer next Wednesday, and if it's not, we'll do the trigger shot tomorrow night, and the transfer will be next Thursday the 4th.   I'm so excited!

We had to make the tough decision of how many embryos to thaw.  We agreed to thaw one straw which contains two embryos, and if only one survived, to thaw out another straw.   This means we'll potentially transfer three embryos.  The chances of all three sticking are so ridiculously slim that I'm not going to bother stressing out about that scenario right now.   I'm far more worried that none will survive the thaw.

I picked up my prescriptions yesterday.  I had no idea how much the HCG shot was going to cost, so I was bracing myself for something around $300.   Happily, it only cost $72.  The other prescriptions were covered by my insurance, except the progesterone, but I already have a supply of that leftover.

Today, the RE added Estrace to my meds regimen.  I guess this just boosts my estradiol level.  They didn't do that in the fresh cycle, and I'm not sure if it's something they normally do on a second cycle or what.  My natural estradiol (aka E2) level is fine, so who knows. I think this should also be covered by my insurance.

Ah, and the weigh in on Monday was pleasant.  I lost another .2 lbs!   I know, not dramatic, but as I said before, this is the most consistent I've been over the last four months.

Despite it kinda screwing up our vacation plans, the schedule for the transfer is good.  I'll take Thursday and Friday off from work and just put my feet up, maybe read the new Harry Potter (though I heard it's very sad), and think "sticky" thoughts, as they say.  After the weekend, I'll go to work for a few days, then take off to visit some friends and go to my cousin's wedding in Tahoe.  Our beta is supposed to be Monday the 15th (not sure why since the original schedule said 7 days after transfer), but we won't be back yet, so I'll go in on Tuesday.

It's gettin' bettah all the time...

The 4th of July cozies were replaced with bright, peach-colored cozies embroidered with dogs.  Apparently the nurse that makes them really loves dogs.  It was the first thing I noticed when I got in the room, and apparently it was the first thing the RE noticed when she came in, too, as she skipped saying hello and went straight to "Oh! We have dogs!".  Incidentally, we were done with the whole experience, from stepping in the elevator before the appointment to stepping out afterward, within 10 minutes.  These people were SPEEDY today.

The ultrasound revealed a better lining and a nice follicle!  My lining is at 7mm right now, and from what I understand they want the lining to be at least 7.5 mm for a transfer.  It should get there in time.   The point of the ultrasounds is to track the follicle growth and then trigger ovulation just before it would occur naturally so that they can know for sure when ovulation occurs.  (40 hours after the HCG trigger shot.)   Then they'll transfer the embryos at the correct time (5 days after ovulation).

The follicle (the bubble that holds an egg) is not quite big enough to trigger, so we'll go for another ultrasound on Wednesday.  In the mean time I'll pee on more sticks.

My husband has been quite the trooper with this cycle!  He's off work for the summer, so he's been taking me to these appointments and then dropping me off at work.   I must say he's a lot more excited this time around, and that makes me feel good.   I think last time it was all too overwhelming with the hysteroscopy, shots, retrieval, etc.

And I can't believe I forgot to mention it last week, but I actually lost some weight!  It was a whopping .2 lbs, but it was a LOSS, not a gain. That was twice in a row!  Tonight is another weigh-in, so wish me luck...

What goes up...

Came down... a little.  Sticking to the Core plan this week was a good move; the scale showed a loss of 2.4 lbs.  Now, if only I can do that consistently.  I lied in my last post, I was actually down .2 total then.   So this week I'm down 2.6 total.   My buddy who attends meetings with me is down 15 lbs.  I'm trying not to be jealous.

Sticking to the plan on vacation will be difficult, but I'm hoping to offset my eating of bad foods with lots of walking.   We're visiting a friend in Williamsburg, VA.  My husband the history teacher will play tour guide and maybe I'll learn something.  I'm not big on Civil War battlefields, but the social history of the South is very interesting to me.    I'll try to keep away from the sweet tea and fritters.

The Ice Cream and Kettle Corn Diet

I've discovered a new diet!  Make ice cream, eat ice cream. (After the cherry ice cream, I made chocolate malt ... yum. )  Go to local art faire, buy kettle corn, eat kettle corn.  Throw in some italian food, complete with drinks and desserts and YOU'LL LOSE WEIGHT, guaranteed!  Well, at least I did.

The scale was kind to me last night, showing a loss of 2.2 lbs.  Bringing my net loss to 2.4 over the last 8 weeks.  Not quite what I had in mind, but at least I'm now at my lowest since I started.  If we went from my highest, it would be more like a 4 lb loss.  And yes, this was with eating like a pig over the weekend.  I did go running for a bit, and biked a little yesterday morning.  Nothing too major.

What I did do consciously was allow myself to eat more on certain days.  I was suspicious that my metabolism was slowing way down, so I added more snacks and allowed myself a couple high-points days.  I'm not sure if that's what made the difference, but I'm willing to stick with this theory.   Also, of course, exercise is important.  I can't eat the extra without getting some exercise.  I swam a couple times, for about 1/2 an hour each.   I even went AFTER the meeting last night!

So, despite the past week's other not-so-good lessons, I feel like I did at least one thing right.  Phew.

p.s. I'm supposed to get my period this week... I'm aiming for Thursday (which would be 30 days)...  Should we place bets on when it will actually show up?

Sick, heavier... blah, blah

Not much fun to report today.   After a weekend of sun and fun, including a baby shower and lots of yummy food, I came down with a yucky cold.   I also didn't get any real exercise over the weekend, which usually gives my weight loss a bit of a boost.  The result is that I'm sick, and the scale showed a gain of a little over a pound.     I'm not so concerned about the weight gain, since I know I did the right things during the week, and had a slow weekend.  And the previous week I lost 3 pounds after my lovely 8+ mile adventure in the city the day before weigh-in.  I'll keep doing the right things this week, and it should go down again.  I'm getting used to the see-saw effect, and the good thing is that I'm still at a net loss... not much of one, but whatever.

I had some strange luck at the baby shower.  You know the goofy games they play?  Well, on all of them that involved pure luck, I won.   Three prizes.   I had a 1 in 20(ish) chance of winning each one individually, and I won all three.   I am no good at statistics, but I do know that I was definitely beating the odds.    Both the guest of honor and I agreed that it was a very good sign.

I rescheduled today's acupuncture appointment because I figure they don't like people coughing all over their needles.   I'm pretty disappointed that I won't be able to do some of my morning yogilates/yoga classes, though.  I had a good thing started and now I'm benched.  Grrr.  I'm taking good care of myself to try to get over this thing quickly.

Lazy bones?

Is it human nature to procrastinate?  Do we procrastinate because we are lazy?  Are humans, by nature, lazy?   This can't be true - I've seen people that seem far less lazy than I am.  Am I as lazy as  I think?   I do feel it is MY true nature to be lazy.   Certain things I'm most lazy about are: Cleaning, exercise, and cooking, on occasion.  Or could it be that I'm simply overextended? 

Should I hire a maid?  Should I not feel bad about going out to eat?  If I weren't so concerned with my inability to keep a clean house, would I be de-stressed and find more useful things to do with my time?  Like cook healthy food?

As it stands now, I get home from work exhausted and hungry.  I have a 45+ minute commute, so between the work day and the commute, I'm gone from the house for at least 10 hours. (Um, yeah.. I tend to skip out of work a tad early... shhh, don't tell my boss.)  Throw in a typical workout, volunteer meeting, etc., and that goes up to 12 hours, returning home sometimes at 8pm or later.     Left to my own devices I will eat some cold baked tofu and some green beans (last night it was a bowl of fava beans, followed by watermelon for dessert), and plop myself on the sofa to see what the Tivo has to offer.   I can put the blinders on and ignore the pile of mail that needs to be sorted, the pile of workout gear that needs to be cleaned up, the dust bunnies in the corners, the soap scum in the shower, the husband who needs to be fed and smooched...   

Is this bad?  Should I just eat quickly and then scurry around cleaning the house and smooching my husband?  Mostly I compromise and opt to skip the cleaning and stay firmly planted on the sofa, offering said husband a smooch or two, and gazing at Tivo's bounty until bedtime.  (Which is about 10:30 these days.)  I then read for maybe 5 minutes because I can't keep my eyes open, and sleep until time to start over again.

The past three mornings have had me rising early and going to the gym!  I've thoroughly enjoyed the feeling of having accomplished something before work, but going to the gym in the morning doesn't magically add any hours to my day.  So far it's just cutting  into my sleep schedule.  I really value my sleep, so I'm trying to go to bed earlier.   However, I don't like to eat too close to bedtime, so that means figuring out dinner earlier... but I can't just magically whip up dinner two seconds after I come home.   My husband doesn't really cook - not healthy, balanced meals, anyway.   When I'm going to be home later than 6pm, he usually fends for himself.  Sometimes that means he makes himself noodles, sometimes it means a run to In 'n Out.   I want him to be healthy, so I feel badly about this.  (I know he doesn't mind eating In 'n Out on occasion, though, since I won't eat it.)  If he fends for himself, then I do the same and scrounge together a meal.  I'm actually OK with this since it means I'm more apt to not overeat. What I'm not OK with is the lack of quality time, and the feeling that I'm abandoning him and neglecting the house.

What about weekends, you ask?  Weekends without plans are few and far between.  And why would I schedule a day of cleaning?  That's just not in my nature, even if it needs to be done.  I wish I could be a neat freak - just a little bit.   Maybe I should make a deal with myself to spend just 15 minutes every evening neatening the house.  Maybe set a timer?   I've learned I can clean quite quickly when company is coming... so maybe this is the trick.   I'll try it... starting tonight!  (Like diet and exercise, if I commit in writing, I'll feel more obligated to actually do it.)

What scares the bejeezus out of me is that if I can't balance life with just this level of complexity, what the hell am I doing thinking about throwing kids into the mix?

And the ride continues...

That ride being the roller coaster of my weight loss.   I was down three pounds last night.  I'll give myself a little "woohoo!", but I know it's my body finally cooperating with the good things I've been doing for it.   Last week I exercised consistently, ate only a few french fries, wrote down everything I ate, and completed the Bay to Breakers!  Even after the race, I didn't eat more than I had earned.  Very proud of me.

Net loss: 1.4 lbs.  Hey, at least I'm back to being a loser.  My WWers buddy is down 5.6!  Big WOOHOO for her. :)

After the not-so-neat Nia experience, I was motivated to try some other classes at the gym.  This morning at FIVE THIRTY (!) I went to a 'Yogilates' class.   It's a combination of Yoga and Pilates which felt great.  I know parts of my stomach will be sore tomorrow, and I look forward to it.   Tomorrow morning I'll try out the beginning yoga class, and maybe improve my yoga poses.  I learned that I have really bad balance today.  At least on my left leg.  Tonight will be a hike in the hills with my WWers buddy.

This afternoon I have my first acupuncture appointment!    Studies have shown that acupuncture actually increases the success rates of IVF.  I wish I had taken those studies more seriously the first time around, but at least I'll put it to good use now.  They say acupuncture can regulate your cycle, improve the lining of the uterus, and generally de-stress you.  Sounds good to me!  I'll post again once I've been poked and prodded.

We are the knights who say Nia!

My exercise adventure for yesterday was to check out a Nia class.    I like to think of myself as a free-thinking liberal, but this was way too new-agey for me.

Pros:

• Got my heartrate up over 120 for an hour. 
• Felt some things stretch that needed stretching.

Cons:

• Dancing around on a hard floor with bare feet made my feet hurt.
• Too much 'free dancing'.  I need direction and instruction, and to be less self-conscious, thank you.
• Not enough movement that promoted strengthening.
• Stretches at the end had us kneeling on the hard wood floor.  OUCH.

Conclusion:  Better try yoga in addition to some regular cardio workouts.